Come check out my guest blog over at MensDivorce.com.
“5 Tips For Not Letting Your Emotions Ruin Your Divorce”
You should let yourself feel all of these emotions and seek out the support you need to get through the hurt; however, when it comes to the divorce process itself, controlling your emotions is key to getting the outcome that you are looking for…
Emotional triggers abound during divorce, but knowing where those triggers might lie can help you better prepare to manage your emotions when they do pop up.
When you have given and have no more to give, will you know where to go to replenish the energy you need to keep going?
It has been a while since I posted. Between the end of a semester at work, trying to bring closure to an agreement that my ex had been dragging her feet on to avoid court, my daughter struggling with the impending death of our dog and her mother’s cancer battle, my son’s academic struggles, and my other son’s college application process, Divorced Dad 101 had to take a back seat.
This morning much of this came to a head. I couldn’t decide whether the pain in my chest was a heart attack, remnants of a failed massage last night, or just the stress of being a divorced dad had finally caught up to me in physical form. Breathing was hard.
And tonight I recalled some of my own advice that I had given out to an audience a few years back. I have decided to share it here. A few years back the graduating class at my school invited me to give one of the faculty speeches at their graduation. Copied below is what I said:
Continue reading “When you have no more to give…breathe. Divorced Dad gives a speech.”
It really has been a few long weeks of losing some important famous people. Lemmy Kilmister, Bowie, Snape, and today Dan Haggerty. For me the hardest one was Lemmy of Motörhead. It was also a hell of a week at work. It was full days of teenagers whining and crying, trying to complete required work (that should have been done months ago) before the end of the semester, with late evenings and early mornings of project grading. So in that context of exhaustion I needed to cook dinner for my three kids on their first night back with me after a week with their mother. Continue reading “Divorced Dad’s Bomber Golden Lentils Over Basmati Rice”
It is very common for men in the middle of divorce proceedings to have their first encounter with the criminal court system. At least this is what my ex-wife, a defense and family law attorney, taught me while we were still married. After I filed for divorce I learned about it first hand when she filed a restraining order against me. In my case the restraining order was vacated after a hearing in front of the judge, after 10 days of being separated from my kids. My attorney wife then filed an appeal to that decision, which eventually, after many months of worry and attorney fees, was found to be frivolous by the Appeals court. My ex had used the restraining order process as a strategy in the divorce process. She used it as a way to get concessions within the divorce.
My ex’s actions are not uncommon, and there is no way to absolutely prevent having a restraining order filed against you. As my ex taught me, people can start a court case against you on pretty much anything. It doesn’t mean they will win, but sometimes the filing by itself can get them what they want. Despite this, there are ways to protect yourself from having a restraining order filed against you, and at the very least have a good chance to have it vacated if one is filed.
1. Don’t be violent. Continue reading “5 Tips for Avoiding Restraining Orders During Divorce”
There are divorce related triggers everywhere, just waiting to jump us as we make it through the day. Our goal is to eventually not let them bother us. Today I got jumped in a faculty meeting. Continue reading “Post-divorce triggers: they’re a thing, man!”
I love you. But what you did is really not good. When adults do what you did, they can end up in jail. Since you are a kid, you won’t go to jail, but you will have some serious consequences.
Back to school today after the holiday break. It was a faculty work day, and we are heading into the last two weeks of the semester. A busy time of grading and planning. And then my 7th grade daughter’s assistant principal called. Continue reading “Daughters and when the assistant principal calls”
Sunday night. A Patriot’s loss. Tomorrow I return to teach after the holiday break. And I am ticked off at the ex dragging her feet on signing a financial agreement she an my lawyer drew up.
I don’t want to cook, but my three kids and my son’s girlfriend home from college, need to eat.
A soup is a simple way to get nutritious food on the table.
- Chicken (I am using two thighs tonight) or a package of Stew Beef
- One box of broth (I am using Low Sodium Pacific brand organic chicken broth)
- One celery root, chopped into squares (adds flavor and a different texture from regular celery hearts)
- 4-5 large carrots chopped into slices
- 1 medium yellow onion, chopped into thin slices
- Two bay leaves
- 1/2 teaspoon paprika
- One head of green cabbage, chopped into squares (I’m Polish. It’s cabbage. It’s winter. Yummy. Deal.)
- (Optional) if you want to make it into a tomato soup, then add one six ounce can of tomato paste.
- Curly parsley, chopped fine and used as garnish.
- Egg noodles. I splurge a bit and buy the best quality egg noodles they have at the store. My kids love them.
- Throw everything into a large pot.
- Cover with water.
- Boil and then turn down to a simmer. Cook the heck out of everything. About 45 minutes to an hour.
- Make sure to text your oldest and let him know that dinner will be ready in 30 minutes and that he should come back from ice skating with the girlfriend.
- (Optional) Add the tomato paste and stir. Cook an additional 5 minutes.
- Salt to taste at the end.
- Follow the directions on the egg noodle package. Serve the soup over the egg noodles. Add chopped parsley to taste.
And that is it. Let me know what you think.
Understanding how divorced parents are categorized when applying for financial aid is key to overcoming the negative feelings that come with being defined as a “non-custodial parent”, and ultimately avoiding conflict with your ex.
The College Board sent me an email the other day letting me know that my child is applying for college financial aid, and as the “non-custodial” parent I should complete my section of his CSS financial aid application. They let me know that “failure to complete this requirement will delay processing of your child’s financial aid application.”
The voices in divorced dad’s brain heard the email say, “Hey deadbeat! Your kid wants to go to college. We know you haven’t done anything for him recently. His mom, the custodial parent, has already done her part by filling out the required forms. So get your act together and do something for you child, for once.”
Luckily I had been planning for this day for the previous two years, Continue reading “Non-custodial for administrative purposes only. Avoiding conflict in the college financial aid process.”