Why do Some Mothers Reject their Own Children? A Narcissist’s Revenge

I knew that our new dog had been used as a breeder at a local puppy mill. She had been a new momma within the last few weeks. Her body showed it.

As we finished up the paperwork, and the kids took our five year old parent out to the car, the shelter worker leaned over to me and quietly told me something she had been holding back. Our new mom had not wanted to be one. She had killed her puppies. She had rebelled at the idea of being a parent and had thrown her kids around her cage, until all but one of her ten were gone. No longer a benefit to them the owners of the mill had given our sweet pup up to the shelter.

When we returned home I opened up an email from my ex to my daughter’s school and therapists, reminding me that we were having our own mother-child issues. Ever since my ex called the police on my daughter almost two months ago, the relationship has been strained and my daughter has been living with me full-time. More recently my ex has been ramping up due to a neuropsych exam my daughter had at school. Here is an excerpt from yesterday’s email [typos have not been edited]:

She’s already shown how she thinks I am a bad mother. i am concerned that the people  in our family, her peers, and teachers could all be at risk. I am very concerned about these and her statement that a classmate essentially molested her in addition to her mention of vengeanc at [another peer and her brother].  She Poses a risk to family and peers and teachers. She needs a residential school where she gets the one on one attention and therapy that she needs to keep all of us safe. Please consider this in the upcoming iep meeting, I know I will.  If I have to file with the on BSEA [Bureau of Special Education Appeals] or write to the our local statesenator.

It feels like my daughter’s rejection of her mother has led my ex to retaliate. Narcissists are very quick to retaliate when they are challenged, or rejected, or told that they are wrong. I have a lot of experience dealing with this…a frivolous restraining order, regular accusations of alcoholism and past abuse. But this is different. This is her child.

Yes, my daughter is challenging and has struggled ever since we adopted her. Yet, I feel like she has been doing surprisingly well despite the types of challenges that few children have to ever endure. I had considered pushing for a residential school last year as well. But my daughter has made friends in middle school, and academically has made progress throughout the year.

My ex is ramping up for a fight that doesn’t need to be fought. She is preparing to “throw her daughter around the cage” because of what I perceive to be a bruised ego. So as we welcome home one traumatized momma, I prepare to battle a different mom to make sure my daughter has what she needs to grow and hopefully one day be independent.

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