Category: Life in your 40s

5 New Year Habits of Mind for the Divorced Dad

As divorced dads we have survived the holidays. Whether we were with family or trying to make it through on our own, we are now on the other side. The New Year has begun. Here are 5 things to consider when planning out our new beginnings. These are not resolutions. Resolutions tend to be broken. These are habits, frames of mind that can guide our choices in the new year.

One. We will be better about NOT reacting when triggered by our ex. Continue reading “5 New Year Habits of Mind for the Divorced Dad”

5 Thoughts on Boys and Fatherhood from a Dad’s Weekend at Camp.

This past weekend I visited my son at his camp for Dad’s Weekend. Two and a half days of fishing, singing, building, running, sock wars, and thunderstorms.

Father, Son

It was my 5th Dad’s Weekend. Each time I drive away amazed how connected my son and I can get in only 2.5 days, and wish that it was as easy the rest of the year. It is hard to describe how this camp, Becket YMCA in the Berkshires, creates a culture where boys and men are able to share feelings and experiences in very real ways. Being able to learn more about how my son thinks (through discussions with him and his counselors), sharing my experiences with him, and having a moment to relax together are the best parts of the experience.

Here are some lingering thoughts about the experience and fatherhood in general from this past weekend: Continue reading “5 Thoughts on Boys and Fatherhood from a Dad’s Weekend at Camp.”

Who Calls You on Your Bullshit?

Have you ever found yourself frustrated by someone else?

Continually?

Could it be that you are doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results, and then ending up frustrated when the other person’s behavior is no different?

Who do you have to call you on your bullshit? Continue reading “Who Calls You on Your Bullshit?”

8 Things that Single Dads Find Sexy in a Woman

Earlier today I came across, and retweeted, the article 10 Unusual Things Single Moms Find Sexy In a Man written by Lisa Bien on DivorcedMoms.com. After reading the post pexels-photo-59497I wondered what the male version of Lisa’s list might be. What is it that we single dads find most sexy in a woman?

So I ran right out, got a coffee, and sat right back down to think about it. Unlike Lisa’s list, these eight tips (Lisa’s also work in the opposite direction, so think of this list as 11 through 18) are not based on interviews with other single dads, and are definitely not peer reviewed. They can probably be viewed more as Divorced Dad 101’s list of things he was looking for in a woman when he began dating after almost 20 years of marriage. I did notice that talking about yourself in the third person did not make Lisa’s top 10 sexy man things. Damn!

So, dear reader, please take this list with a grain of salt. Divorced Dad 101 dated for a grand total of 2 months before finding his sexy girlfriend, who in two years has not yet dumped him despite his occasional use of the third person when talking about himself. Continue reading “8 Things that Single Dads Find Sexy in a Woman”

Top 5 Dark and Angry “Break-up” Songs

Break up songs and divorce.

If you are a child of the 80’s, like me, you may recall this classic scene from the movie Better of Dead (which my kids love by the way…in case you are looking for something funny to watch with your over 10-ish kids):

john Cusack had it wrong though. It is music that can help you make it through the worst days post-separation from your spouse. The real question is what music?

I used to DJ, so I had many options of musical stylings to choose from. I could have turned to the Blues, but most blues songs lament the women who have left. I wasn’t going to pine after the woman who cheated on me as Muddy Waters did in Long Distance Call. Continue reading “Top 5 Dark and Angry “Break-up” Songs”

Top 10 Reasons Why Moshing While 40 Might Not be Such a Good Idea

In my recent post about whether I was going through a mid-life crisis I mentioned that in a couple of weeks I was going to be going to my first metal show in a long time. This got me thinking. We have floor tickets for the show. General admission near the stage.

I know that once those base drums hit my old instincts might kick in and I will be tempted to once again get caught in a mosh (do they even call it that anymore?). But realizing that I am now over forty gives me a bit of a pause. Is it really such a good idea, in my condition, to be thrashing around with a bunch of teens and 20-somethings?

So I give you the top 10 reasons why moshing while 40 is probably a bad idea.  Continue reading “Top 10 Reasons Why Moshing While 40 Might Not be Such a Good Idea”

Is it a Mid-life Crisis or Something Even More Transformative?

“Yeah. I think you’re going through a mid-life crisis.”sports car

I picked my son up at the airport yesterday morning. He had been traveling for the previous week, visiting and auditioning at music schools. As we talked I told him that I had bought tickets for an upcoming metal show. He responded by proclaiming that his father was half way to death, and that this mid-life status was causing him to try and reclaim his lost youth.

I have been trying to figure out since whether I am indeed going through this thing people call a mid-life crisis, or whether something else is going on. Here is the evidence:

Can you still be a metalhead in your 40s?

Slayer and Testament are coming to town. Continue reading “Is it a Mid-life Crisis or Something Even More Transformative?”