When you get divorced you all of a sudden add new roles to your single parenting job. These are duties that you would probably not have had the opportunity to experience while still married. This is especially true for fathers of daughters.
When married the “girl things” were probably passed on to your wife to handle. Now, as the sensitive new aged single dad that you are, confusion, embarrassment, and often terror are a regular part of your day as your daughter’s increasingly feminine needs fall to you to figure out.
No one properly prepared us to help our daughters with these girl things. They often pop up unexpectedly. My goal with this post is not to give you all the answers, but to give you some things to think about ahead of time. Warnings that will help you properly prepare your already frazzled emotions.
I knew that our new dog had been used as a breeder at a local puppy mill. She had been a new momma within the last few weeks. Her body showed it.
As we finished up the paperwork, and the kids took our five year old parent out to the car, the shelter worker leaned over to me and quietly told me something she had been holding back. Our new mom had not wanted to be one. She had killed her puppies. She had rebelled at the idea of being a parent and had thrown her kids around her cage, until all but one of her ten were gone. No longer a benefit to them the owners of the mill had given our sweet pup up to the shelter.
Since separating from my ex-wife I have come to understand that she has narcissistic tendencies that I had never seen before. As I recovered from her affair and its fall out I learned to avoid interacting with her around anything involving my feelings.
However, it is much harder to avoid interacting with her when it comes to the kids. Over the last month my daughter has been living with me full time ever since her mother called the police on her. I have been doing my best to support my daughter and trying to help her understand how to talk with her mother.
On most days my daughter does not want anything to do with her. The reason she gives is that her mother focuses on herself, and does not apologize. My daughter is feeling the full brunt of her mother’s self-centered narcissism.
And like a fool I keep hoping that I can help my ex understand what she needs to do to help resolve the issues between the two of them. Copied below is an exchange of texts I had with my ex this morning. It is a snippet, a sample, of what a conversation with a narcissistic co-parent might look like. Continue reading “A peek into coparenting with a narcissist”
So I ran right out, got a coffee, and sat right back down to think about it. Unlike Lisa’s list, these eight tips (Lisa’s also work in the opposite direction, so think of this list as 11 through 18) are not based on interviews with other single dads, and are definitely not peer reviewed. They can probably be viewed more as Divorced Dad 101’s list of things he was looking for in a woman when he began dating after almost 20 years of marriage. I did notice that talking about yourself in the third person did not make Lisa’s top 10 sexy man things. Damn!
So, dear reader, please take this list with a grain of salt. Divorced Dad 101 dated for a grand total of 2 months before finding his sexy girlfriend, who in two years has not yet dumped him despite his occasional use of the third person when talking about himself. Continue reading “8 Things that Single Dads Find Sexy in a Woman”
One of my students had stayed after school today to make up some laboratory work. Her grandmother died last night. The other grandmother, who she visited in Korea in the fall, had died about a month ago. My student asked me whether it was ok to be angry at other people who are all of a sudden claiming to be her grandmother’s greatest friends, when these same people were nowhere to be found during her grandmother’s cancer. I told her that the one thing I had learned about death in my life, was that everyone responds to it in their own way. She and I spent the afternoon talking about death and dying. Continue reading “Kids and Death: Scary Feelings Should Not Be Avoided”
If you are a child of the 80’s, like me, you may recall this classic scene from the movie Better of Dead (which my kids love by the way…in case you are looking for something funny to watch with your over 10-ish kids):
john Cusack had it wrong though. It is music that can help you make it through the worst days post-separation from your spouse. The real question is what music?
I know that once those base drums hit my old instincts might kick in and I will be tempted to once again get caught in a mosh (do they even call it that anymore?). But realizing that I am now over forty gives me a bit of a pause. Is it really such a good idea, in my condition, to be thrashing around with a bunch of teens and 20-somethings?